Saturday number 21

To start, Hello to my readers from the Philippines, Denmark and Russia! I’m really touched to see you’re checking in on me! I'm back in Antibes with Mémère and Pépères for the weekend :D

Admittedly, I slack, and neglect this blog, but this week, I honestly haven’t had a moment to write, and I fear that this blog is going to boil down to a weekly summary. There will be the occasional doses of poetry, and rants. 

Let’s start with a haiku:

Dear Canada Post

I hate you, corrupted, you

Christmas gift thieves

The 8kg package that I spent a small fortune to send home, and to fill with gifts, chosen to remind the people I love that I’m not there, but I’ll always be here, was ‘delivered’ this week. The only things that arrived, albeit in disgusting condition (I spent three school nights to wrap everything individually and meticulously), were soaps and under five gifts. I’m disgusted, and dissuade you all from sending things by mail unless completely necessary. I’m sure there are legal issues with bashing an organization, so I will leave you all with the question, who would steal the ties a 16 year old girl spent two days picking out for her brothers? Books and clothes for little cousins? Though I am convinced there is good (note, the rest of the blog), some people are sick. Enough on that note, because too much incredible has happened this week to stagnate on that topic. 

When I look back, at the end of this year, at the end of my studies, at my retirement, I have a chilling feeling that I will have distinct memories of this week.

My world has been slightly overturned since the conseil de classe on Wednesday. The day before, I went to a job interview for a nanny position, and turns out, I started the next afternoon. Between that, and the first day of having to go pick up keys to my classroom on Friday, there are no more huge gaps in my schedule. 

These things, of course, though hugely exciting, aren’t by any means life changing. 

Neither are having the highest average of my class in french, second highest average in my class, the highest commendation possible, and excellent marks in my vocals. Though flattering to be praised for my work as a delegate and with my prépas was flattering, that didn’t pave a fork in the road for me. There are three paths that I can choose to follow from here, each leading in opposite directions, fulfilling different facets of my potential, and none of them meeting in the middle. The choice to leave, to come here wasn’t a deciding factor in who I will be in this life, but it was the first step towards choosing who I will be.

The staff panel working with me has invited me to stay, to finish my studies in France. 

My application for Pearsons College is almost ready to be sent off. 

Or, I could go home, and actually have a high school diploma. 

This translates to my future as

The risky road that winds around a cliff bend, overlooking the ocean. The 50/50 path, the one who is naturally and physically beyond my control. If all goes well in operatic training, around the blind corner, there could be a spectacular view, if things in turn, go spectacularly, my life could be what every little girl dreams about. If I’m not careful, and things go less than impressively, I may be running headlong into a drop off, and drown in the music industry. I ignore which is the better, and which the worse, but it’s even more likely that a storm makes the going too dangerous, and without a visa or two year commitment for lodging, and the road is closed. Heads, I could be an opera diva. Tails I could be another unexploited potential, another ‘what a shame’ who had the makings to be somebody. This is my ethereal, hell bound walk, paved by gold stars or cold streets. 

On the flip side, I could choose to walk a stable path, with harsh scenery, and no fluctuation in luxury, since there will be none, and know that every exhausting step I’d take would leave an imprint. I could be a teacher, and blaze a trail for countless third world children, a delegate beckoning for others to follow and to lead, a journalist opening eyes and learning lessons the hard way. My life would always be modest, I wouldn’t have evenings in big theaters, or keep company of orchestras, but I would never feel guilty when I saw a SOS children's villages commercial. I would have the rare, and unmeasurable gift of discovering people and places as they are, and would learn far more than I would teach. Each moon would rise on me too emotionally attached, but more deeply rooted in fulfillment. This is my organic trek to find heaven on earth. 

But then again, all roads lead home.

I’ve grown up too fast, and looking back, it pains me to realize how early that trail was prominent in me, this feeling being enforced by the fact that I already have perspective on my childhood: I’ve outgrown it. That doesn’t make me better than or better off than anyone my age, it just means that I’m limited by that exact number. 

A high school GPA, an awards night, a school play, a Christmas with family, a prom, an acceptance letter. 

How ordinary. How exceptionally extraordinary. 

And since after all, home is where the heart is....