Monday, October 4, 2010

Stream of consciousness/ Playlist on shuffle time until Croq Messieurs!

I'm hungry. "I don't want to talk about all the things we've been through. Though it's hurting me, it's ancient history" Winner Takes it all by ABBA.
This is how this is going to go. I'm going to type whatever I think, as I think it, and I'll change paragraphs at the end of every song, and name a line that triggers a thought. Here we go. I think half the music is going to be obscure jazz songs no one will know the title to. In those cases, I'll just continue writing what I was thinking earlier. In the meantime. I've decided the odds of my getting married are slim to none. Why? My criteria are as follows: I can't hate the way he eats. He should smile at me for no reason when he feels like it, and not think it's odd when I do the same. I can't hate the way he drives. He should get in the habit of something sweet, even if it becomes systematic. Above all, he has to understand, that I will go out of my way to do things for him, and I just want someone who knows the same love I do.
"Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart, no matter how hard you resist it. It never rains when you want it to." Humble Me- Norah Jones. It's been pouring all day. For the first time, I gritted my teeth and bought a sweater with wool in it. Moms are always right, and the water slipped off my shoulders as I ran to the conservatory like water off a duck! (I promise, I wasn't waddling). I saw a bunch of swans in a river the other day. The water here in rivers has a green tint sometimes, and it made me think of a picture Julie took in Switzerland.
Going to help Thierry cook croq messieurs. Can't put into words how many silly little things make me think of home these days.
"I'm not afraid of anything, even time. It'll eat away at everything, but we'll be fine." The Golden Floor by Snow Patrol. An addition to my list? When cooking sand which type things, no, I don't like the crust of bread future prospective husbands, bear that in mind :P.
It's night here. While driving home through the first rain here since I've been, I was staring out the window, watching the sky retreat into itself. It's such a dark feeling when the sun isn't around to set, and darkness just dims the light of the sky. I don't mind it when the night splays like spilled ink, but when the light simply dissolves, it's quite sobering. Either way. Sitting, and wondering why life is so like a movie, but why the parts that a song always plays in the background of and time just seems to fly doesn't work like that in real life. I decided when I traced a raindrop with my finger down the glass, and realized it looked like a shot, that it if we want to play the lead role in our movie the way a story line requires of the hero, or heroine, then we pull the movie apart at the seams. It's not about the fact that it's raining out, and that the car you're in is still a way from home, what matters is the fact that if you cock your head the right way, you're inside a screen, and you're watching the world through a stained glass lense.
"I go walking in my sleep through a jungle of doubt to the river so deep. I know I'm searching for something... Something so undefined that it can only be seen by the eyes of the blind." The River of Dreams by Billy Joel.
"Because maybe you'll look up someday, to the bright blue sky, and you'll never look away... Maybe." Maybe by Augustana. Titles are predictable. I should write a song in a minor key and call it Happiness. I don't think I have it in me to write in minor right now. I just got back from supper. You know you're starting to be at home somewhere when not only do you know what kind of desert your brother takes every night, but when your host father forgets to grab him one you automatically get up to grab one, and turn around to a table full of grinning faces.
I did try to warn you there would be random jazz music. Thou Swell by Carmen McRae.
Oh. That was a short song. Onto Innocence by OLP. This was one of the only songs I knew by them before a certain obsessed fan of theirs came into my life, and showed me something different than "wishing she were a dancer, and that she'd never heard of cancer. She wishes God would give her some answers and make her feel beautiful. We are all innocent."
That's something I always said. That if I could go back, I would have been a dancer. Seeing my friends, my beautiful, graceful dancer friends, I get jealous sometimes... Until I see the ones with a lesser balanced head starving themselves. What with the obsessive personality of mine, I don't know if that would have been such a great combo. As for cancer. If I could ask God for an answer, that would be up there on the list of the first I would ask.
Find A Way by Elliot Yamin. Bear in mind this song, since choosing any lyrics would be absurd in this context.
1. Why are people so lost?
2. If he could give the whole world a glimpse of what we could be if we acted like we were all back in primary, and everyone shared, said please and thank you, and the rule was hands off? Would he trust us to lead as the example for the next generation?
3. Cancer and AIDS. Really?
The list could go on. But this is a stream of consciousness, not a rant, and Fix You by Coldplay just came one. "Tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace. And I? I will try to fix you." No more rescue missions. I promised myself that before I left, and so far I'm holding strong.
"You think you've seen the sun, but you ain't seen it shine." Michael Bublé? Nope! A new favourite :P Sarah Vaughn! Thank you Pépère :P Thank you twice: Fred Hersh's Get Out Of Town. It's a slight culture shock from my general régime at home, but jazz music just comes naturally to my ears. It's effortless, and it's really special to have a music I enjoy without lyrics. Playing the music is another story! Classical fingerings are out the window!! ... And I like it :P It's liberating, to know that I have a pattern, but if I don't feel like it? I don't have to to follow. I can do whatever I like. I can make a piece into whatever I feel.
In theory, I'll be able to. Once I get good enough :P
Hey There Delilah. Plain White Ts, you're all jerks, writing songs that make people laugh, and smile, and sing along, and cry when they're gone. Most of the time, I don't even realize how far away I am, until things happen like waking up to an email from the kid that's been your brother since he's been 3 messages me, and says he's reading my blog. Thomas, how did you grow up this fast? You're not supposed to be in 9th grade. You're supposed to still get mad when I ruffle your hair or give you a hug! Everyone is growing up so fast.
Does that sound silly coming from a 16 year old girl? What about people like Doctor Dawn who watched me from, literally, birth, grow into a teenager? What about another Dawn, who was only here for a little while, but who's emails knock the wind out of me just the same? Everyone is still here. Age seems to speed exponentially the older one gets.... But I think it's safe to say that from a distance, a really, really big distance, like earth to heaven distance, maybe we can enjoy growing older.
Stand by You by The Pretenders. I know you will. I think of Shane all the time. It still doesn't come automatically, to be a brand new baby, but then again, he's not a brand new baby any more. I need to stop doing that. Soon enough he won't be a baby at all.
Time flies faster when you're trying to keep up.
My vocal lessons went really well today. Dalila, the girl I have classes with is amazing. She makes me smile. We got to listen to Eva play her Alto. She's PHENOMENAL. At the Delegates meeting this afternoon, as usual I got carried away, and accepted a microphone, and put myself up for another election! What I'm being elected to, I didn't quite specify, but we're just going to see how this whole episode blows up :P
Speaking of things blowing up. Mom thought it was too funny that I got shocked on the house's anti wild boar wire shocked me. Yup. This is me after all.
And to mis Chicas? Mi clase de espanol comenca este viernes! todo mi amor a senior!
Aah. Long blogs are a sign that I'm starting to get control of my life :) I have enough time to write!
Don't get used to it :P <3
Love you!!

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